The Cycle of Addiction

Written By Alex Lerza

First it begins with obsessive thoughts.  Like a fly stuck to honey, it seems impossible to pull away from sexual fantasy.  Then, the addict prepares.  

It may be moving into another room with laptop in hand, withdrawing cash or getting nicely dressed.  An internal battle may be waging on the inside, one part saying "you can still stop" and another part saying "you deserve this."  Preparation may take a few minutes or even a whole week.  While there is a general addiction cycle, each individual's is unique to them.

Once preparation is complete the addict lunges towards his goal, not aware that his brain has been hijacked.  He tells himself he is in control because it feels good to believe you are in control.  But, sexual addiction is like the HIV virus.  The HIV virus attacks the part of the body--the immune system--that would defeat it.  Similarly, sexual addiction hijacks the part of the brain that would empower one to make different decisions.  

After acting out the addict is filled with pain.  The relationship he has betrayed, the money he wasted, the deeply held values that he denigrated all come flying at him like flaming arrows.  The addict tells himself, "that was the last time."  But, he never actually does anything to change the pattern--denying the reality of the damage his addiction is causing him.  A day may go by or a week, a stressful situation at work comes up and once again he finds himself obsessing about a sexual fantasy.  

Fortunately, there is a way to break this cycle--the 7 Tasks of Recovery. 

Alex Lerza
My goal as a therapist, speaker and writer is to help people experience the gift of sexual and relational wholeness. Currently I work at Christian Counseling Center in San Jose as a Marriage Family Therapist, Intern. Though I come from a place of faith I have treated clients from all creeds and orientations. I completed my Master's degree from Santa Clara University in 2012. Because I felt called to the area of sexual wholeness I became an Associate Sex Addiction Therapist in 2013. However, I quickly learned that trauma is the cause for a significant amount of sexual and relational brokenness so I also became certified in two trauma-reduction therapies--Affect Management Skills Training and Affect Centered Therapy (similar to EMDR). PSYCHOTHERAPIST. Trauma and Sexual Addiction. One of my passions is to help people break free from sexual addiction and heal from trauma. With hundreds of hours of training in trauma and sexual addiction, I provide clients a clear path out of addiction so that they may enjoy healthier relationships and lead more focused lives. Couples. I love helping couples discover the gift of a healthy marriage. I excel at teaching couples how to communicate, how to heal from betrayal and how to deepen their level of passion and intimacy. Teens. Being a teen is tough. I enjoy helping teens who struggle to connect with peers, have questions about identity or want to kick a pornography addiction. I also run a 10 week program for teen guys looking for a band of brothers and accountability with sexual compulsivity. Individuals. I believe that everyone has something to offer the world that no one else can. I hate to see depression or anxiety limit a person's ability to make their special offering come alive. I offer clients the compassion, tools and strategies they need to make their mark and fulfill their personal vision.
alexlerza.com
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